It tears at me, keeping secrets, here, where we have torn down the walls separating us. I feel apart suddenly, and it is not a feeling I find comfortable. Before, I would leave the thoughts within these pages for all too see. Now, I hide my journal, unwilling to share and guarding my feelings jealously, wishing I could simply slip away and return to my alien lover and revel in the freedom of showing my true self, the self that he helped me discover, the self that I suspect the others would not understand. Oh, the cravings I now feel, that I suspect have been buried deep within me, pull at me with a yearning that is almost painful. After the first time he took and ravished me, I felt strangely linked, as if he could sense the taboo desires within my breast that, once awakened could not, cannot, be put to rest again! I find myself wishing, when I make love to my sweet Emma or with James or, especially, Bull, that they would treat me roughly and take me by force…At night, I have waking. White Trash?" she said quizzically."It's about class in America. All the Scots-Irish who were basicallybrought here as indentured servants and the whole myth of upwardmobility and...ok, I'm babbling."She smiled. "No, you aren't. You're explaining it. I like that. Youhave the energy after work to read that? I'm impressed." It's a slow go, if that makes it better." She laughed and thengrimaced. "Oh, look, here comes Bonnie and Clyde," she said, under herbreath. "Hi Bonnie, hi Cindy, what's up?" Oh, we saw you two talking and figured we'd come over to say hi.Jessica, why didn't you sit with us? We need to catch up," she saidsweetly. I felt like I was going into diabetic shock.Ellen patted the chair and said, "Come sit down." She picked up myKindle. "Jess and I were just discussing David Foster Wallace. I saidthat I liked his essays but found his novels a little too long and self-involved. Jess said that, while she appreciated the essays, she foundhim to be the worthy heir.
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